Just another jerk, just another lie, just another guy I thought I could trust, just another time I thought forever could last.
Have you ever felt like you're really on the verge on crying, you feel so empty in the stomach, a little chill surrounds you with the goosebumps, you bite onto your lips, you try not to speak because you know another word will cause those tears to start forming within the white corners of your eyes...
And you're like, "Please, not now. Don't cry now. Keep the smile. Don't think about it. Some people are not worth it." But you just couldn't help it but to let those tears glide down the cheeks of your face. It hurts. You need a hug. I feel you.
I don't understand how can some people claim that they "love" you for a day, and then ignore you for hours the following day. How is it possible?! I mean I'm not sure if it is, but to me... Ignoring is sucha torture, I can't even stay mad at someone I LOVE for more than half an hour. And some people can possibly just disappear for hours and hours and hours.....
Hanging there in agony. Especially when it comes to bedtime, the pain starts to grow from within, like a million times deeper. All the questions starts to pop up and you have no idea how to give an explanation to any. There's nothing you can do except drowning yourself in the saddest songs that relates to your situation, then allow those negative thoughts to invade your brain.... *BAM* You start crying again. You don't wanna think about it, you tried avoiding it the entire day, but it just won't leave your mind at ease, it just creeps in naturally. And the worst thing is falling asleep half way while crying, then waking up the next morning having to go thru the same phase again.
Losing you wasn't part of my plan, my perfect story was suppose to have a happy ending.
Seriously, that's how painful being ignored is. It's not that bad knowing that someone is busy, sleeping or maybe just didn't had the time to give their phone a check. At least that's just frustrating, not in fact hurting. But if you know that they actually used their phone, like you catch them tweeting or updating their facebook statuses, whatsoever... You know you're no longer that strong enough to say "Never mind, I'm okay."
Is ___ texting someone else? Is ___ mad with me? Is ___ having a really fun conversation with his/her new company? Is ___ gonna ignore me for good? Am I gonna be forgotten soon? Am I being replaced? You just uncontrollably fill your mind with every pessimistic thought you could think of, booom boooooom boooooomz, perpetually into your mind like a machine gun.
Why do you have to do this to me? I find myself really foolish but I just can't help it, I can't help it not to think about you, think about what's wrong, think about why the heck you're not speaking to me, why the fuck we're like strangers all of a sudden. What are words if you really don't mean them? "Love" without actions is just complete bullshit. Don't tell someone how much you love them, don't promise them you will never leave them, don't swear and cross your heart you will never hurt them... If you know you will eventually.
They say actions speaks louder than words, but sometimes just words alone kills us all. Thanks for faking it all, thanks for pretending all these shit, thanks for making me believe all your so called promises that turned out to be lies, thanks for bringing me where I am now, realizing that it's really tough to trust someone again, thanks for all the hurt, and thanks for fucking up my life.
If you don't want me now, I won't want you later.
Sorry for the supa long rant/nonsense. So this is me when I'm feeling supa emotional. Haven't been posting such stuff for quite some time. But whatever. The post above is sorta like a combination of all my tweets. Yea, sometimes I'm not just quoting. I'm really feeling it or I really felt it. Don't worry, I'm fine after pouring it all out on this space.
No pictures spam today! Didn't take any pictures... Went to Ikea to get some new furnitures for my two rooms, gonna do a makeover to it! Hehe. will take pictures of them once I'm done! Till then. I love you all. x