Are friends my priorities?

I do enjoy being alone, but the feeling of loneliness kills. 

Since young, it's never been an issue making new friends to me...  However, I'm usually the kind who'd rather have one best friend, than to have five good friends. Hence, whenever I lose my best friend, I feel like I've no one else to rely on.

I prefer to stick to my usuals, and hardly step out of my comfort zone, because I find it really tough to trust new people, and also because I hate feeling awkward. Used to be quite an introvert, and I'll come up with all kinds of excuses just to reject an opportunity to meet a new friend or bunch of new friends. 

Having thoughts like, "What if I can't fit in?" "What if no one likes me?" "Will people judge me?" tend to hold me back from hanging out with new people.

It got worse when I started becoming more known on social media. 

I met a lot of insincere people; those who pretended they were fine with me when they were not, those who came to me just for favours. And I also had many friends who entered my life and ditched me after they found "better" friends.

I would say that I've gained many experiences that money couldn't buy over the last two years.

I would take a bullet for most of my friends, but half the time, it turns out that they were the ones who pulled the trigger.

I struggled for a really long time; a dilemma between being the one who never stops trying, but gets hurt repeatedly, or the one who doesn't give two f*cks to anything around.

Obviously, the second one sounds like an easier and less painful option, but I couldn't bring myself to do it.

The thing about me is that I find it hard to stop caring. If someone's important to me, I'd still care about them even if they don't deserve a millisecond of my time.

And I used to get really upset over those friends who leave me out, or treat me like their backup plans... I mean I'm pretty sure many of you feel the same way at times right?

Until I eventually grew out of that "emo" stage and told myself that it was time I learn to let go.

Many of you have always been emailing, tweeting me or contacting me through various means to enquire about friendship problems. Not that I'm some aunt agony, neither is it because I know the solutions to every friendship problem there is on this planet... Just my two cents worth of opinion I think I could share.


So along the way, I did get to know a lot more people, but I've also learnt to take things a lot easier. Life is not always a bed of roses, and you can't expect things to go according to how you want it to be all the time.

Half the time, I wish I could just wake up one day, make a trip to the bank, and realise I turned into a billionaire overnight, and be like...

Yeah, I know I know, it's just me living in my own material world. Money can't buy true happiness, but it can definitely buy loads of things that would make me happy.

Just like friends, they may not be your only source of happiness, but sometimes, you choose to think that they are. You convince yourself into believing that without them, you can't live. You feel that with no friends, life is meaningless. 

Alright, let's make it clear, if you did something to hurt your friend, and he/she dumps you, then you deserve it. :p However, if you've done your part by doing the best you could for someone, going the extra mile and prioritising their happiness before yours, YET they do not reciprocate or appreciate it...

Then perhaps it's time to you receive a slap in the face by reality that you suck. Nah, I'm joking, I hope no one stopped reading from my last sentence lol.

The truth is? LIFE GOES ON!

I've been used, I cried, I've been hurt, but honestly, you should always realise your worth at the end of the day. And your worth isn't determined by anyone, but yourself. Why allow someone to dominate your life? Key word? YOUR LIFE.

I'm not saying friends are not important, cos they are. They are there when you need them, they share your joy but also your tears, they make you feel wanted and they make you feel a sense of belonging.

However, there are more than 7 billion people in this world, although one friend can mean the world to you at times, that doesn't mean that you should lose sight of the remaining people who still cares, especially your family.

Anyway, point is... There are much more important things in life to focus on, so f*ck it if your friend "last seen" you on Whatsapp.

Just kidding. Stay tuned to my next post! :D