This sucks.

Can't think of anyone to rant to, so this space comes in handy now.

I'm so tired. I'm so tired of working thrice as hard as some people, and not seeing any results. I'm so tired of always giving and not receiving. I'm so tired of not being recognised for all the time and effort I invest in things. I'm so tired of being forgotten, being an option, being okay when I'm really not. I'm so tired of feeling this way.

I'm so tired of being me someone I'm not.

I feel like I've been changing so much to accommodate to the people around me, and it's not because I think it's right, neither is it because I want to. I'm just another fool whose heart has complete control of me.

And who truly cares about the changes I make anyway?

It's funny how most of the time, the advices we give can never be applied to our own lives. You know someone's not worth it, but you're so blinded by your own emotions. You know it's gonna hurt by keeping them in your life, but you still continue to do so!

It really sickens me how people like myself actually function in such irony.

I've been feeling lost for the longest time. I feel like I've nothing to look forward to anymore, everything seems monotonous. I feel like my life's all about my work, lessons and trainings now. I don't even seek interest from anything else anymore.

Sometimes, you just need that one person to make you lose all faith in something you spent your entire life believing in, isn't it? 

Well, fact is - second chances are bullsh*t. How often do people really cherish that "last" chance? You can never show someone how much you want them in your life, because they take for granted you'd forgive them even if they commit a deadly sin.

I'm so tired of hoping people would really change, yet end up disappointing myself time and again.

Expectations sucks, but reality sucks more.

P/s - But fuck it, despite how painful this is, I'm not giving up. I'm still gonna work extra hard and I believe I'll find true happiness eventually.