Hello future, goodbye past.

It's finally the time of the year when I start to reflect upon all the things I've done in the past 12 months, and realise that 2013's probably the best and the worst year for me. It might come across to some of you like, "Why is it your best AND your worst?" 

Well, it's the year where some of the most important people left my life, and also the year that taught me the most.

2012 didn't exactly start off on the right note for me, had a fight with my dad over the most trivial matter which kinda screwed up all of our New Year's eve, right before the countdown in Bangkok. It wasn't long before I fell out of a relationship in May, and was completely devoured by the pain I had to deal with. Everything in my life at that point was a complete blur, it had such a detrimental impact on all aspects of my life... I felt so broken. I've never been the most positive person to begin with, and that totally screwed me over. However, life goes on. It made me realise if someone wants to change, they will. And no matter how hard you try to stop that from happening, it's only gonna bring you more disappointments. 

It's undeniable that I've changed a lot since then as well, I even got my second tattoo, 

which a lot of you have been asking me to share the meaning behind it. XVII stands for 17, and IX stands for 9, in Roman numerals. It signifies the anniversary date of my last relationship.

Many may ask, "What's the point of it when it's over?" 

Well, this relationship means a lot to me, and will always be kept close to my heart. Having the date tattooed was in remembrance of what it has taught me, and the reason behind why I had it crossed out was to remind myself that it belongs to the past now. 

Moving on was the toughest thing I've ever done in my whole life, it was worse than any of my previous relationships, but I swear I've never been stronger.

I've always been pretty independent, but I tend to be reliant on those people who I feel really attached to.

I constantly felt deprived of company... I rely on everyone I got close to, until a point where I started to feel like I was being a burden, and that was when I tried to shut everyone out. 

I felt lost. 

But I picked myself up after awhile and started to pay less attention to such frivolous issues. I started school with no intentions of making new friends, I didn't wanna get hurt again, nor did I wanna hurt anyone.

I thought to myself on the first day of school, "I'm just gonna focus on my studies. If I make any friends along the way, it'll just be a bonus."

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Personally, I feel like 2013's the year filled with so much tears, anger and drama. I had more than 5 friends who got out of a long relationship, there were so much drama going online, the haze, the sudden deaths of many, the riots that broke out recently... 2013 went by like a flash before my eyes.

It's coming to an end, but things that happened 6 months ago, felt like they just took place a moment ago.

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Here are some pictures taken this year.

Going blonde.

Chinese New Year.

My birthday.

ABTM's Gala.

Filming for Singapore Celebrity Harlem Shake

Turning green.

USS with my girls.

Ghost Child's Gala.

Grandma's 80th.

My first flea.

Night Safari

Mae's 18th Bday/GC Weekends

Hong Kong trip.

Janice.

Joanna and Shanice.

Picking my outfits for Asia's Style Collection.

First day of school.

School's Fun day.

Halloween.

BFF's 17th bday.

Sydney trip.

Of course, the last eventful occasion was Xmas, which I guess there's nothing much to talk about since I already did, in my past few posts. It was my worst Xmas in my entire life, but from what happened, I've learnt another lesson. Which brings me to my next point.

Remembering a year ago, I wrote a post like this and I ended it off with a new motto in life, "Do what makes you happy and make sure you don't live with regrets." I'm really glad I managed to live by it this year.

I didn't allow my fear and ego to be a hinderance to the things I really want to do. I'm pretty much someone who doesn't give up easily on things that I want, but there's something I realised over the years.

Yea, I know they say, you've to fight for your own happiness, and that's what I've always been trying to do... But it should never be that hard. If the other party's not trying at all, there's no point clinging on to something that doesn't belong to you. You just have to realise that maybe that isn't the right happiness for you.

There will come a point in your life when your priorities are bound to change, and the people who love you enough will embrace your changes and learn to accept you, and similarly, those who don't would leave eventually.

After the break up, I've learnt to take a lot of things in life more seriously, my parents suddenly became extra important to me, I started to cherish everyone around me more and began to like having alone time just watching television and having good food, staying fit... And the happiest thing was scoring 3.7 for my GPA and learning a lot more new things.

My life became more meaningful, even though at times I still struggle between many of the things in life, I'm still learning to be a happier person.

The past few days might have been really bad for me, but I know I'm not giving up that easily.

Before I end this off, I'd like to take this chance to thank all my readers and followers for all the support you guys have given to me over the past couple of months, especially when I was at my lowest. I've been receiving so many emails, tweets, messages of encouragement... And every time I read them, tears will start to well up in my eyes. Thank you for sticking by me after so long, standing up for me when I get hated on, sending your regards to me when I'm feeling down. I'm really grateful for all your love and concern. Virtually, or physically. If it wasn't for you guys, I might not even have survived in this industry until this day. I don't know what I could do for you guys, but I promise I'll get better and work harder for you and myself.

I really hope I'll get a chance to meet all of you in 2014 and thank each of you face to face, as of now...

I'm ready to accept new challenges, brace myself, and welcome the new year.

I know it's still pretty early, so let's bask in the greatness of our last two days of 2012! In case I don't get to update again before the 1st, Happy New Year to all of you.

P/s So many things have changed, but nothing can be compared to my ever-changing hair colour lol.

Thoughts at 2 in the morning

It's funny isn't it? It's such an agonising and tiring cycle, how people only start to care when you give up, how people only care for the people who gives them the least, and forsake those who are always there for us.

Yes, you may think you're the one hurting right now, for being ignored and neglected by the person you care the most about... But have you wondered if are actually hurting someone who's trying so hard to get your attention, but constantly fails to do so too?

Well, I'm saying this from personal experience, I'm not sure if it works the same way for everyone.

I've been feeling like the loneliest person on earth lately, just cos I was pretty much deprived of attention from people I gave the world to.

It's like nobody notices what I do for them, until I stop doing so.

However, after giving it some thought for hours one night, I found it disturbing how I was probably doing the same thing to a lot of people who really wanted to be there for me.

I unintentionally and sub-consciously pushed the people who care for me away and shut them out, and rather waste my tears on people who wouldn't even spare second of their day to give a thought about me.

And that's when I start to wonder, maybe that's why I've been ignored - Because you can never be too nice to people, they'll naturally take you for granted at some point.

I thought to myself - Why? Why are humans built in such a way. I can't comprehend.

Not long after, I deduced that, perhaps it's normal. I won't deny it's still the worst feeling nature has ever created whenever you feel like nobody cares about you nor appreciates your existence, but I realised something else that's way more important...

I'm learning to appreciate everyone around me and to choose the right people to treat the right way.

Like they say, you don't wanna lose the moon while counting the stars.

Red love

As you can see, I'm back to being a red head. I seriously think I've issues staying faithful to the same hair color for more than 2 months. However, I dyed it myself this time round like how I did for my black hair. (Too lazy to head to the Salon.)

Let me tell you about my crazy experience. Well, I was aware of how bad the condition of my hair was, so I refused to bleach it and ended up sitting right before my desktop for an hour, googling for alternatives. *Searching... Feeling impatient...* FOUND IT. 

Can't remember which was the page I found this, I think it was called Walgreens or something. I found this hair product, "Color Oops Extra Strength Hair Color Remover."

I read about a hundred reviews on MakeupAlley before I decided to give it a try. Instead of getting it from Walgreens, I got two bottles (each at USD12.99) from Amazon instead.

Basically, from what it said in the description box:

- Color Oops Extra Strength is the safest and most effective way to reverse an undesirable hair color application within 20 mins and it's bleach free and ammonia free. 

- Color Oops will not have the damaging effects of bleach or ammonia based products. 

- Color Oops Extra Strength is so gentle that you can recolor hair the same day. 

- Color Oops Extra Strength takes you back to your lightest shade. It will return your hair to its natural color if the artificial hair color applied is darker than your natural shade. If the artificial hair color applied is lighter than your natural color, your natural pigment has been chemically lightened and although Color Oops will remove the artificial dye from your hair, ultimately your hair will be the chemically lightened color. 

Although I was pretty sure it isn't a scam, I was still afraid to be betrayed by my intuition… Oh well, it sounds rather promising and… 你只活一次!! (Hate how overused YOLO is, but it makes me sound like some fearless lion whenever I say it, lol)

Got to Watsons and bought two bottles of L'oreal Paris Excellence hair dye in Spicy Red (P66) I think it costed approx $18 each. (The same brand I used for my black hair)

Well, I left those two bottles lying on my bedroom's floor for a week, and my Color Oops still hasn't arrived… So there came the moment where I got so bored on Christmas night, and that's when my itchy hands attempted to dye my hair and skipped waiting for the Color Oops.

WOW, SO MUCH FOR MY ACT OF BRAVERY - My hair ended up like a mess. Only the parts that weren't black and my roots, turned red… Let's take a moment to imagine how disastrous that was.

That wasn't the worse part, my tragic story reached its peak when I woke up the next day to find out that the Color Oops have arrived. Total FML moment.

Anyway, made a trip back to Watsons last night and got another two bottles of the same red dye.

My thoughts on the Color Oops hair application:

- I left it on for about 45 mins, instead of 20 cos I was talking on the phone.

- My black pigments went off completely.

- Only one bottle was used despite how thick my hair is.

End results: Hair did turn into a light shade of brown as they described.

Downside: I think it still smells pretty nasty even though it stated that it's ammonia free.

Verdict: I love it!!!! It really worked well on me, and my hair condition remained the same as before. 

Anyway, I really like this new shade of red on my hair now!

Below are some pictures of the first attempt, (which are rather deceiving… Somehow it looks pretty pleasant compared to how it really was in reality) taken yesterday.

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Met Ric at Haji to do some catching up, and met another friend for dinner in town thereafter.

My extremely candid face that shouts "seriously?!" for something silly he said.

Alright, will post more pictures of my new hair when I'm back! Have a great weekend ahead!