I'm aware I've already done a short video on my Youtube channel previously, which I spoke about my insecurities, but I guess it's been some time since I wrote a post on something more personal, and I just wanted to share with you guys how I deal with these problems I face.
My biggest insecurity.
I titled this "insecurity," not because I only feel insecure about one thing. It's just that if I were to list down all my insecurities, this post could probably beat the thickness of an encyclopedia easily. Haha, so lets not get started on that.
A handful of you might already be cursing and swearing because you feel that there's nothing I should feel insecure about. Not that I agree with that, but I guess everyone, despite how people around them may think that they are perfect, they'd never discover their own strengths at times.
All we usually focus on are our flaws, because no one else sees them as often as we do.
So as long as you're human, I guess there would be something you ought to feel discontented about about yourself?
Plenty of you would've already realise that I'm actually rather petite in size, and I'm not sure how many of you tall people out there wish to be shorter, but I've never fancied my height.
Why?
I mean, you usually hear people criticising short people, but I believe we hardly ever see someone mocking a tall person for being too tall.
I'm not intending on listing out the pros and cons of being tall and short, and make a comparison between both, neither am I planning on trying to speak from a tall person's POV.
I just wanna tell you how I feel, and how I've been feeling over the years.
I never really had an issue with my height in primary school. I mean after all, that was the period when everyone was probably around my height. Lol.
However, it all started to hit me when I got into Secondary school.
Over the years, I've always been hoping that I'll grow an inch or two, but I felt like I never did since sec 3, when I was 15. Sobs :(
There was once, that year... A guy actually ditched me for my height. It sounds really shallow, now that I reminisce and have that whole situation running through my mind again, but back then that wasn't how I see it.
What a poignant reminder of how superficial people are these days...
I was, undeniably devastated, and I also felt really lousy about myself. It took me some time to get over it, but it wasn't long before it started to affect me all over again.
Last year was the year where I started hiding in my shell, because of all the nasty remarks I had to face online. Besides dwelling on an insult for the entire day, it had such a big impact on me that there was one point of time where I just wanted to isolate myself from everyone.
I felt really self conscious about my body, especially my height.
It was bothering me so bad that I just didn't want to put on flats despite wherever I was going to.
Also, I hated how everyone treats me like a 3 year old just because of how petite I was. How people think it's fine to continue teasing me, just because I kept mum each time they did.
Compared to all my friends in the Blogsphere, I always felt really tiny. Not just physically, but my visibility as well. I felt pathetic.
Most of them are models, and even if they aren't exactly supermodel-kinda-tall, they are usually slim enough to compensate for their height.
I've turned down a handful of photoshoot opportunities because I was always afraid someone might compare me to some other model that's way taller.
And that's probably one of the worst feeling ever, because I really love modelling.
There was once I even resorted to starving myself because I thought that, "Hmm, maybe if I'm skinny, I won't look like a stubby teapot."
It hurts even though I act like I'm cool with it. I'm strong enough to put up a fake smile, but weak enough to be breaking down inside.
And it certainly doesn't feel good when people much younger than you, are way taller than you. Or when you're already in a pair of 5-inch heels, but you're still way shorter than anyone around you.
My height has always been a hinderance to me in many ways. It has never failed to bring down my self esteem despite the number of people telling me it's fine.
I may have a million things about myself that I'm unsatisfied with, but if there's one thing I could change, it'd definitely be my height.
Well, but that's not the point of this post anyway. The main purpose of sharing with you guys this is solely to bring a message across - As cliche as it sounds, everyone's flawed and nobody's perfect. It might be a cheesy, old phrase, but it is the truth.
And the good news is, this has all become a part of the past now, I've learnt to accept myself for who I am, and even if I think about it once in awhile, it's no longer something that I'd spend hours dwelling on anymore.
Well, I've met so many people who goes like "Wow, you're really short in real life," it comes to a point where I just can't be bothered anymore.
If I can't change the way I am, why not change the way I think? Right?
I can't do anything about my height, and as much as I love looking at pretty heels and feeling taller sometimes, I still love being in sneakers, because nothing feels better than being yourself.
In fact, I often feel encouraged by friends around me who constantly remind me of how I'm "beautiful" just the way I am, and that's definitely how any girl or anyone should feel.
All I have to say now is... I'm pretty comfortable with my own height, and if you aren't? Too bad!
How do you overcome your insecurity(s) based?
I suppose the first, and most essential step to overcoming an insecurity is to acknowledge the existence of it and embrace it.
Instead of finding all sorts of methods to hide this flaw, why not just be proud to be imperfect?
I know it's easier said than done, but I guess it's always a good thing to make the first move, and to prevail on. It might be difficult, but nothing good comes easy right?
What's the cons of showing your flaw? Being mocked?
Well, if you look at it from another angle, chances are, people would probably stop being a prick if you actually show them that you're aware of this flaw, and can't be bothered with it instead of hiding it deliberately.
People will eventually lose the thrill of making fun of you, if you don't respond to them.
In other words? Learn how to joke with your insecurities, that way... You have the upper-hand!
Next, you need to accept that everyone has their own flaws, and there's nothing wrong with that.
Look around you. You might be captivated by someone's beauty and wishing you had those looks too, but has it ever come across to you that someone else might be envious of something else that you have?
At the end of the day, we all know that physical appearance is what captures one's attention first, but a good personality is what makes a person stay.
Haha, you get my drift.
Lastly, it's always important to have a positive mindset towards everything. If you feel that something's making you unhappy, why not do something else to make you feel happy? That plays a part in helping to boost your self confidence as well; doing something well.
Personally, picking up DJ-ing at
SOM, dancing, and longboarding are ways to help me feel good about myself.
So why not find some time and pick up something you like doing, and perhaps discover a strength of yours that you might have never noticed?
It's never a waste of time to do something you love. After all, you get to learn something new through the process of it.
Let me help you.
If you feel lost with no directions at this moment; no idea what you should do, nor what you like doing... No worries! Let me help you.
So I've recently found out about this really interesting page (click here) that allows you to create your personal avatar!
I guess it's pretty true, and rather accurate.
Best part? It makes me feel good about myself after taking the test. Try it out too!
Complete the scale and remember to take all 4 tests, otherwise your avatar would be incomplete!
How will you be rewarded? You might be one of the
FIFTEEN people I'd be looking for, to attend a free Girls Style Dance with me at
SOM. ;)
Simply create your own avatar (like what I did above), and share them with me and five other friends of yours on your Instagram or Facebook. Remember to tag me, hashtag #LIVEITUP and leave your contact details for me! I'll be picking FIFTEEN winners by
30 Oct so good luck!!!
I know not everyone would be able to relate and use the advices I've shared, however I still sincerely wish that I managed to help at least a few of you out there!
Just like to remind you that you're not alone, and I'm with you. Not physically, but virtually hahaha. :p
Also, I've actually worked with
Xavier on a video few months back, and it's finally out!
It pretty much sums up everything I've said here in this post, and I'm sure you'd enjoy it, so do check it out
(here)!
Here are some BTS as well
Alright, will be back for more soon! ;)
